So if any of you follow Focus on the Family, I am sure you have heard of the book "Love and Respect" or possibly even heard of their conferences. However, for those of you who aren't familiar with them, you are probably asking your self, "What exactly are they talking about". The basic principle of this book is that most men and women express love and respect differently than their spouse. If both spouses have a need, the other either doesn't understand the need or think the need is different, then they are unable to meet the needs of their spouse.
Based off of Ephesian 5:33, women need love and men need respect. Colossians 3:19 commands a husband to love his wife (unconditionally). Similarly, a husband needs respect (1 Peter 3:1-2). When a wife feels unloved, she often acts disrespectful. When a husband feels disrespected, he often acts unloving causing a viscous cycle to begin. However, when the cycle is broken God can work wonders in the lives of the couple.
You may be saying to yourself right now that's all fine and dandy, but my spouse is so hard to love/respect. That might very well be the case, but Ephesians 5:33 is a command from God, and not a suggestion. Therefore, in order to show the love and respect that your spouse needs you may need chose to believe that your spouse's intentions are good despite the "mess-up" that may currently be taking place.
One thing that God is teaching me in my marriage is that romance doesn't exist every day. Marriage takes work, particularly to help keep minor agreements from becoming major ones. That isn't to say that we won't have disagreements. We are going to get upset with one another, but when we choose to deal with our disagreements in a godly way we can continue to fulfill each others' needs for love and respect despite our differences.
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